Well here we are!!
9 planned festivals back to back from West Coast to East Coast, we are approaching the end of our 2019 festival season. Ending with a grand total of 20+ (honestly we lost count) music festivals, an art car for Burning Man, at least 10 different art vending events and countless interactions with the most amazing people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Our lives truly are magical and we don't take any of it for granted, the only thing we may be guilty of is taking time away from family and friends who may not understand why we do what we do.
Learning how to logistically manage living on the road, working festivals, making and selling art, flow arts time and just making time for ourselves has really proven to be the ultimate challenge. Not to mention keeping up with the current trends of drug uses, and new drugs hitting the market so that we can better our knowledge and be able to accurately help the patrons at events to the best of our ability.
Our life goal together is to be a part of a community that grows together in all forms. Maybe it's stationary, perhaps it's a travelling circus family, or a group of healers capable of healing all things when brought together, whatever it may be, we want community.
Somehow through our crazy and adventurous experiences we have truly been blessed in meeting so many like-minded people wanting nothing more than the same thing, a community.
Our next adventures take us to the Pacific Northwest to do exactly that, our dear friends Audri and Jason have invited us to spend the winter at their new home in Eugene, Oregon. Where we will be able to help them create a community food project and healing center. These are the things we have endlessly dreamed of over the years and thanks to our friends and our community it's going to happen.
Reflection on the last year has been weighing heavy on my mind, especially as we travel through the gulf coast wetlands that raised me, and taught me what I know about nature. Not to mention my knee injury at EDC Orlando has caused me to take a serious mental step back and think about how hard I push myself to make sure that everyone has a Happy, Healthy and Hydrating time at these shows.
The reflection thoughts have been more family based, while I haven't been "home" in quite some time I realized it's definitely no longer my home. This came as a shock to me as I threw a tantrum outside of the MRI building standing on the sidewalk bawling my eyes out in Orlando. I was overly sleep deprived, injured, hungry and just wanted to go home!! But what I really meant was my friends, I wanted to go home to my friends where I feel safe, secure and valid. By home I meant my van, my belongings, my pupper who makes everything better. I never thought in my wildest dreams that location would actually change everything about me. I noticed while visiting my home town people's reactions to me, or just in general, the way they carry themselves and proudly carry fire arms like its the coolest toy truly sickens me.
But what truly started making me think about family, was visiting my 99 year old granny in her nursing home, (the only real reason we made this such a long trip) where she has lived for over a decade, unable to do anything herself, but sit and whither away. It brought back memories of me being scared to leave town years ago in case I never saw her again.
What if, what if, what if??
Imagine the "what if's" out there! I now know I will never see her in this life form again. I'm working through that thought and processing those feelings of sadness and grief in ways I never have been able to before. Knowing my last grandparent, will soon be gone from this earth is shattering. Thanks to my beloved partner, friends and community I have learned to properly and healthly cope with situations beyond my control. While I am still saddened at the thought of losing her soon, I can only think about all the "what if's" she endured through her time. A child of the roaring twenties, a wife at 15, a mother at 18 and a grandmother to dozens and dozens. While she stayed home raising my aunts and uncles my grandfather sauntered the world with the military leaving my mother and her siblings without a real father figure.
I will never know what her hopes and dreams were and are, as she is inaudible these days, but I do remember writing country songs and watching the grand Ol Opry on her lap while we sang late into the night. It encourages me to never miss out on a "what if."